1 - Love Me Tinder
If you're single and you have a smart phone, you've probably used Tinder or at least heard of it. The popular iPhone app, which was recently released on Android as well, provides a new spin on online dating. The app operates based on your Facebook social network and tries to set you up with friends of your friends, or nearby people that are somewhat connected to your own social network. The profiles are tiny and photo-centric (4 pictures, hardly any text) and you can't message people off the bat; you can only say 'yes' or 'no'. If you and a potential match both say 'yes', then you are given permissions to start messaging each other. If you just started using Tinder, or you're stuck/frustrated/confused with it, here are some tips on how to get matches and actually get dates.
2 - Know What You Want
First things first: Know what you are looking for and have criteria. If you are just bumbling around on Tinder whimsically swiping people left or right with no rhyme or reason, you're probably not gonna get any results. Before you even open the app, be honest with yourself and decide what you are looking for. Do you want someone to date? Do you want to fall in love? Are you just looking for a hookup? Looking for new friends? Open to all of these possibilities? You should know what you want from a potential match before you start rejecting, accepting, and chatting with new people. When you decide to swipe or chat with someone new, you should be seeing them in context of what you are looking for in a match.
3 - Selecting the Right Pictures to get More Matches
When you create your account, Tinder will automatically choose your most recent Facebook profile pictures as your default Tinder pictures. These might not be right! Since it's essentially a photo-based app, the pictures in your Tinder profile will have an extremely high impact on whether or not you will find matches. Especially your main picture; most users will make their decision based on the first picture they see!
4 - Pic tips: Guys!
Guys: First and foremost, no shirtless/abs pics, please! Girls who use online dating sites and apps have stated time and again that greasy shirtless dude pics creep them out; even if you have a Ryan Gosling six pack, keep it to yourself, especially if it's a selfie. That's right dudes: NO SELFIES. Ever. Girls find guys who take selfless self-involved and conceited, make sure all of your pictures were (or appear to have been) taken by someone else. Also leave your mothers/sisters/female friends out of the pics. Try to find pictures of yourself that represent some side if your personality; don't go for pictures that are too serious or too silly. Don't use your Linked-In shirt-and-tie picture or a picture where you are rip-roaring drunk, go for something in between. Pictures of you with friends, in nature, at the beach, outdoors having a good time, wearing something funny, are all preferable.
5 - Pic tips: Girls
Girls, this will be significantly easier for you. Women are always outnumbered in online dating and you are likely to get matches much easier. But make sure you are getting the kinds of matches you want. One of the biggest mistakes we hear about is using too many group pictures. You should be the only one in your main picture! You don't want guys to have to guess which girl you are in the picture. If your main pic is a revealing shot of you in a bikini, you will get tons of matches from all kinds of men who think you are an easy lay. If this is the case, there is nothing wrong with that, but if you want to get matches that are based more on compatibility, use pics that highlight your personality more. Pictures of you dancing, at a concert, reading a favorite book, or having fun outdoors are all great options. If you want to throw a sexy swimwear pic in there, make sure it's the last one in your profile, that way only interested dudes who swipe through the rest of your pics will see it.
6 - Taglines/Interests
Tinder allows you to write a couple lines of text that will appear on your profile; take advantage of this opportunity. Don't leave it blank, and don't take this too seriously. Think of something fun or clever to include in their that shows a bit of your personality. Also make sure to list a lot of interests on your Facebook page so that you can find people with whom you have similar interests. If you haven't updated your Facebook in a while, get on there and add all your favorite movies, bands, and places to see who shares your favorites.
7 - Messages
Found a match? Congratulations! Now make sure your messaging game is on point so you can actually get a date. A sad truth about online messaging platforms like Tinder is that most of the time, the guys have to message first. Girls, you should take note of this, because a guy will be pleased and flattered if you take the initiative and message first. When you get matched with someone, wait at least an hour or two before sending that first message, don't be over-eager!
Tinder is a fun app and you should be having fun. Your messages shouldn't be overly straightforward and monotonous. No one wants to log in and see 'hi! nice to meet you. how are you doing today? where do you live? what do you do?' Ugh. These cheesy speed-dating conversation starters are trite. Find something funny in the other person's pictures to comment on, ask them silly questions, don't be afraid to get personal (but not sexual), make the conversation fun and you will be more likely to keep the other person engaged. Don't answer every message right away, you want this person to think you have a life (whether or not you do.)
8 - Getting the Date
Okay, so you've got a match, you've been sending lots of messages back and forth, how do you transition to actually going on dates?
For Starters, go for good timing. If you ask someone out within the first few messages with someone, you will come off as desperate. You also don't want to wait too long, if your messages back and forth go on for weeks, your conversation will probably get stale and one of you will lose interest. After two-to-four days worth of fun, witty banter, you should be ready to ask your match on a date.
9 - Flakes
Keep in mind online daters tend to have a high flake-rate. Your match may get nervous or double-book and cancel your date at the last minute; as you are not yet a real person in their lives they will tend to value a commitment with you less than they value a commitment with a person that they actually know. You should give a Tinder date at least one free flake pass. If they do it a second or third time, let them know that they blew it and don't try and set up any more dates with them.
10 - The Unspoken Rules of Tinder
-Don't tell mutual friends you are talking to/dating their friend through Tinder. Not everyone wants all of their friends to know they are using the service.
-Tinder is not a hook-up app, so don't assume everyone you go out with is looking for a hook-up. Don't get upset if things don't get steamy on the first date, you creep.
-Know when to stop: Swiping Tinder profiles can be addictive, but it should be a fun time-waster, not an obsession. Don't spend more than 1/2 an hour a day looking for matches.
-Propose dates in public, easy to get to places like bars, parks, restaurants, and cafes. Don't invite your Tinder match to your house or a secluded beach spot and don't accept someone else's invitation to such a private place; remember this is still a stranger you met on the internet, so take precautions.
-If someone misrepresented themselves in their photos, you are allowed to politely cut the date short. Let's face it, Tinder is a picture-based app, if someone used fake or misleadng photos, don't feel bad about rejecting them based on this deception.
-Have fun! Tinder should not be a source of frustration or aggravation; if you are not having fun you should uninstall the app so you have more time to get out there and do some offline dating.
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